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WARNING:
This fic is rated R for language and graphic violence, and contains
Hand in Hand by Jb and Jmas part three, of four
What was that? Up above... sounded like... Augh! No! Don't... Oh God no... standing on me get off me... claws in my hip... oh too heavy, hurts, hurts like hell get the hell off me! So fast. Moved so fast. Sam, I'm so sorry. Oh God if you're out there anywhere please, help me – it's hurting. Please let it be quick. Get it off. Push at it. Trying. Can't feel my arm too good. Screaming at it. Goddamn stinking pissing... if you're going to kill me then just get on with it – or else get the fuck off me! Roaring. A roaring in my ears. Drowning out even my screams. This thing on me, punctuating the sounds from above with it's own. Stinks. Sudden wet-warm on my face. What... what is it? Slimy. Dripping. Oh shit! Get it off... Get it off! Its throat. Not a foot above my face. Its attention going back and forth between the new threat from above and its prize pinned below. Flashes of yellowed incisors amidst black and red, releasing a reeking blast of decay with each snarl and roar and – drooling. Oh God. I'm gonna puke. Need to puke. Noise... huge noise. Claws digging in. Slime. Get it off! Not ready yet. I'm not ready! Sam... haven't saved her yet. Sam, please help me, no, please forgive me for – Wha...? Something else on my face. What else? God please nothing else... it's on my face something hot touching my face – No! Oh no no no! Not yet! Pressure. Pressure on my jaw... wait... wait, it's her. Fingers trapping my chin. Hot. Why are they so hot? What? She's telling me to... to... what? I can hear her. Why can I hear her? I'm screaming, shouldn't be able to hear her over my own noise – get it off me oh God please, I tried Sam but we ran out of time... I'm sorry I tried please Sam please just close your eyes... Lay still? I'm not? She wants me to lay still. Whispering to me. Something... Panic? No. Saying... don't. Whispering, don't don't don't panic Daniel. It's okay. Telling me, something... saying Daniel, listen. Don't move. Listen. Okay. Trying, Sam, I'm trying. Hurts. Listening. Whispering. Screaming... screaming oh God slime I can't do this, thought I could handle it - get it off! - thought I could but I can't anymore too sick too tired let this stop please screaming... So fast. Everything in one instant, way-far too fast. All at once – shrieking from above, snarling and roaring in my ear, weight impossible weight on my side claws in my hip foul spit on my face Sam whispering can hear her whispering, blasts above us, my own screaming... I can't be screaming. I hear Sam whispering, hear this cat and the ones above, hear the sizzling streams of energy and the blasts. Can't be screaming. Am. I am. No. I'm not - can't be. But... Oh God, how? Confused. Chest hurts, my head is going to explode from all the screaming inside it. All at once. Too much all at once. Sam's hot fingers, her breath on my face, whispering. Try! Yes, trying. Listen, work... what? Work with her here? What? Need my help? Oh God Sam... oh Sam, yes! Anything! Tell me what you want... Wait. Above. Sizzling? Blasts? Oh holy goddamn... Jack and Teal'c! Oh Pleeeze! Hot, insistent, bruising pressure points on my jaw. Sam. Whispering above my screams. What? No time left... yes, Sam, I already know that. What? Do it now? No! Wait, I don't understand yet... what do you want me to do? Wait for me! She's not waiting. Her fingers are gone from my face and out of the corner of my eye I track her hand down to my side... see it grab at my vest just above my hip and yes yes yes I know what she wants. Her tense whisper of "Now Daniel – roll!" is all but lost under the outraged screech of the cat, and as it ducks it's head right at my face in warning I feel its snout and fangs swipe my cheek... Fuck you, shithead. I'm rolling.
The only sounds now are O'Neill's slightly accelerated breaths and the quickening breeze now blowing over the rocky landscape. The moon reappears from behind the clouds, bathing the area in a gentle glow. The danger of the past few minutes seems remote, hardly reconcilable to this peaceful moment. O'Neill takes a deep breath and once again gathers himself to start walking toward the ruins. He has gone a dozen steps before he realizes I am not following. He turns back with a confused look. "What...?" "They are here, O'Neill." Again I see the perplexed expression in the blue glow of the moonlight. He sighs, deeply as if gathering patience and waits for me to explain. "Daniel Jackson and Major Carter are here, not at the ruins." "Uh... okay... Where?" I am struck once again by O'Neill's acceptance of my skills, it means a great deal to me that he does not question. "I am unsure now," I admit reluctantly. "I had only just discovered their trail when the... felines... attacked. The battle has obliterated them now. We must search." He scans the shadowy surroundings. "Uh huh..." His tone is
doubtful. Sarcasm, I have learned, conceals little to those who know to
listen beyond it. He is concerned with our chances of locating our friends
in this dark "Listen," I advise. He closes his eyes, as if doing so will help his concentration... perhaps he is correct. I hear the sound of insects chirruping gently, the distant scrabble of rocky soil... night creatures, but too distant to be of immediate concern. The soft whirr of wind through the low brush... MMMRRRRRRRROOOOOWWWWRRRRRR... One of the felines. There. Fifty meters and... Below us? O'Neill removes his flashlight from his vest, scanning the ground around us as we advance slowly toward the place the sound originated from, dread slowing our footsteps as much as the terrain. There. Ten meters below us. A deeper blackness against the ground. A hole... We sink to our stomachs beside it, the light O'Neill holds barely penetrates the utter darkness below... A glittering, liquid coats the ground... muddy, red... Blood? The narrow beam of light moves over a lump of... something... Something alternately furry grey, smooth green, shiny black, liquid red... We have found them.
I'm not stupid, I know it must feel like he's being crushed. But that doesn't matter... he has to stop trying to move. He's distracting its attention from the noises of the fight above, onto us. The fighting above. They're here. They're finally here. God, what a bad joke... there's hysterical laughter building in my chest, threatening to bubble up to the surface and escape. This is so damned ironic. The Colonel and Teal'c are right above us, they found us... and it's looking like their arrival is going to be the catalyst for our deaths. Unless... Maybe we can still pull this off, somehow. But I need you, Daniel. I need you to help me. Please, settle down... look at me, feel my hand on your face and look at me... dammit... Eyes. Mine, rapidly flitting back and forth between the two other sets of eyes that I am equally drawn to out of necessity. To Daniel's, to catch his attention and calm him... and to those of the beast, to try to anticipate it. The eyes of the cat, huge black pupils with a sliver of bright gold around the outside, full of cold anger and incredibly alert and active for an animal that took a round of 9mm shells. Rage in those eyes... and a hunger. Will it tell me through those black holes, hey lady, it's time now, you die now? It's scaring me almost beyond reason. Okay then, so don't look. Don't look into them any more, Sam. But... then, how will I know when it's time? Oh God I am so afraid. It keeps switching its stare from Daniel to the surface and back again. I think it's more or less ignoring me; it's Daniel's attempts to get out from under that are drawing its attention. Damn! He really needs to stop pushing at it like that. He's annoying it. Distracting it. Stupid. Dammit Daniel, listen to me! God what a stench, and it's teeth are... Saliva dripping from the corners of it's mouth, huge incisors, so sharp – Daniel! Knock it off or you'll get us both killed! Good... he sees me, feels my fingers on his face... but, oh hell! He's not listening to me. Pay attention to me Daniel, to me! Well, at least he's got the sense to have stayed quiet, giving me half a chance of somehow being heard, of getting it through his thick skull... he's not yelling at it or anything... even when the damned thing shifts its position like that and the claws dig in and with that slime dripping on his face... Oh, Sam... oh you idiot! Oh, God. What was I just doing, what was I thinking – Daniel, please hear me, I'm so so sorry. Not your fault! God knows I could never keep it together like you are. I'd be screaming the roof down by now... you're brave, so strong... I'm just so scared, I'm sorry... But please, I need your help. Please, Daniel, work with me here. I really need you to listen to me, work with me here, help me... Yes! Yes yes yes! Yes, I'm here Daniel and yes, I need you to do something... Yes! That's the look I wanted to see return to this face... awareness, comprehension, intelligence. We can do this, Daniel, you and I, we can do it! Okay, ready? Time's run out. We have to go right now. On my count, all right? Oh hell, he's looking panicky again, shaking his head – but we can't wait. Never mind; can't stop, can't wait. The hell with the count, just go! He can do it. He has to be able to do it. I lock a stare onto his face and move quickly, letting go and darting my hand down to where it needs to be. His eyes follow it and yes, thank God! There's sudden realization on his face just before I say the words... and God love him, as I actually say them and the cat screams and swipes at him in protest, the courage and defiance, the powerful determination and single-mindedness that make Daniel who he is erupt from him and sweep across me, envelope me, encourage me... We can do this! Move! Reach! With a cry of effort and pain he's rolling to me, and there are fangs slashing through the air an inch from his head as the cat is thrown off balance from the sudden change in position. It's snarling, spitting... mad... So, big shit. Be mad. Enjoy it. It's the last thing you'll ever – Reach, Sam, reach for it... there! The belt, now just slide along the belt until... there... quickly unsnap and pull! Daniel's pushed right up against me, almost right over onto his stomach... hurry, he's telling me to hurry... Oh God! It's going to go at him... at his back... Got it! I've got it... shift it grab it the other way and squeeze it... don't drop it... Movement; in my way can't get my arm up... front leg swiping at me blocking me – what? Daniel. His elbow, coming up, flying backward... perfect hit, right on the snout! Yes! Way to go Daniel! No! No! A great shrieking howl... t's pouncing, front legs ramming him screaming against me... pushing on him its weight against his back pressing him to me he's crying out wait... head's up... its throat working at an ear-splitting caterwaul head up its head is up... Now! Strike now into the upturned throat! A quick jab with all I have in me and I know I'm in, can feel the resistance, the jitter of the knife scraping through fur and flesh, against sinew, the hot gushing wetness down my arm. I know I'm in but it's shrieking at me, pulling back... Ah God, pushing on him, working to throw its head back... I have to finish this now – Oh! Hurts! Sharp pull along the underside of my arm as it rears up and scrabbles backward, taking the knife lodged in its throat with it. Can't let go... can't... hang on... hang on but don't pull it out... rockslide holding me in place... hand, my grip, slick... shoulder feels like it's going to fall apart... hang on... Movement in front of me, pushing against me making it harder – No! Leave me alone I have to hang on... Daniel stop pushing at me! Get out of my way! It's shaking it's head, solidly bunched muscles trapping the knife in place, yanking my arm around like some limp rag. Oh can't stand it... huge pain down my arm, around my shoulder, down my side... I can't I can't hang on can't finish it I've lost I can't do this... Whaa... sudden inches of space in front of me... something fiercely strong on my hand and a forceful jerk upwards and sideways a powerful slash severing muscle and gristle a burning tearing sensation in my arm my shoulder – ah God lancing heat in my arm – I'm hearing not only my own strangled cry of pain but two others... The cat-beast-monster – its final protest intended to be a howl but emitted as a gust of hot whistling air coming out of the wrong place... or, the right place. Daniel. Strength scraped up from God only knows where, sheer guts and determination overriding the physical reality, demanding and directing the final stroke. His hand on mine, my hand in his... We did it.
Ch. 20: Jmas Pain... Wet... Sam? As the pain and noise fade, I realize several things at once... The hellcat is dead, the dead weight of its body collapsed across my legs... pushed there by the force of our final stroke... I'm lying with my head on Sam's stomach... short puffs of air tickle my hair, cooling the sweaty dampness. I hear the hitch of pain in her breathing, the final stroke was too much for her, she's hurting again. I'm so sorry, Sam... Our hands are still joined around the knife, becoming even more so as the cat's blood dries. I know I'm holding her hand too tightly... can't seem to make my muscles relax... Quiet now... Painful weight on me, how much more for Sam who lies beneath us both... Can't seem to find the strength to push it away... Give me just a minute, Sam... I'll get it off... Tired. So tired... A light, a voice, above us... Jack? Jack's here... I want to call out to him, can't seem to find the energy... Jack's here... Calling down...He sounds worried... Jack's here... I said I'd stay 'til Jack came... kept this promise... Maybe I can sleep now. Jack'll take care of everything. Sam will be okay... She moans softly underneath me... Need to move, damn it... Jack heard her... He says to be still, they're coming... Still... I can do still... Hurts to move, hurts to think about moving... Sam's hand shifts in mine. I can hear her barely stifled hiss of pain as she alters my grip, shifting a few fingers from under mine, enclosing it in a trembling gesture of comfort... letting me know it's okay not to move... I nod my head a little against her stomach, trying to answer... Can't... She squeezes again, understanding... Our hands... Hard to tell where hers ends and mine begins beneath the blood and grime... S'okay, though... Doesn't really matter. The creature is dead. We did it. Tired, want to sleep...Somehow I know it's not a good idea, but... Sam's whispering something now... "We made it. We did it. Everything's okay now..." Her voice wavers; reaction setting in after the adrenaline rush. S'okay, Sam... We've been here before... Well.. .not exactly here... but you know what I mean... Of course you don't know what I mean, I'm not speaking out loud... With a grunt of effort Sam shifts, she's really hurt her shoulder bad... .gasping in pain at the movement... I try to tell her to be still, but can't seem to do much more than shake my head... Light shines over us again. Jack. A rope coming down the hole... Gonna need more than a rope to get us out of here, Jack... Rock and soil rains down in a fine shower...Sam leans over to shelter our faces. Be still, Sam... Jack... barely recognizable except from the glitter of his silvering hair in the reflected light of the flashlight clipped to his vest. Closer, closer... Jack's here... I can rest now...
What a mess. I need to know just how bad it is, but it's hard to tell where one body leaves off and another starts. Ah, Jesus. If I'd have just picked up the pace a little... whatever happened here since the attack we heard on the radio, obviously just happened, with that shrieking howl. Damn. I slowed us down. Too slow... Okay, can the garbage, O'Neill. First things first. Focus... on what we got, what we need. We got two living breathing bodies - the right ones - and one totally dead body, also the right one. What do we need? First thing we need is to get rid of the chaff here. Ugh. This thing is revolting. And it's gotta be really heavy. Daniel stirs a bit as Teal'c hauls the carcass off him, but I don't know if the movement is really his, or just... artifact, from the jostling. He was awake before... saw him look over at me. Ah God, please Daniel, stay with us here. Carter is looking more than just a bit pasty but she's awake, nodding at us, trying to smile. Not talking audibly, though. She's twisted awkwardly, the rubble pinning her on her side from the waist down, Daniel's weight pushing her upper body backward. Need to fix that. Teal'c gently rolls her shoulders forward and climbs in behind her, supporting her back and head. It hurts. She's hurting. Daniel? Time to find a new pillow, buddy. Hey, big guy, you with us here? No. No, he's not. His eyes are half-open and his body is tense... so tense... but he's not responding to me. I don't know if he's awake and overwhelmed, or if he's actually out of it. As Teal'c gets ready, his light playing over Carter, the beam inadvertently strays across Daniel's back and I'm not sure which I want it to be. Ah, geez... but, we've got to move him off of her. Just need to... slide... just grab onto his belt and guide his shoulders... gently... Okay... now I do know. Unconscious. Completely and totally in another land. I want him to be unconscious. But he isn't. Damn. Oh, damn. Sorry, Danny, sorry. He's not made a sound, but... starting to tremble all over... oh hell, his face, his expression... Carter? Wait... what's wrong? Carter... God! What's wrong? "O'Neill..." Teal'c's low rumble barely penetrates her cries of pain. "Wait. You must not move him yet." Why not? She's hurt - well yeah, they're both hurt but he's the only one with the obvious bleeding, so whatever this is with her, it's hidden and we need to get him off, check her out... The light shifts, following her arm, and I can see what he's talking about. They're... attached. She must have some sort of injury to that arm, and I pulled on it when I moved him away. Teal'c is still behind her, supporting her head and shoulders, talking to her, telling her to pull her hand out from his. She's... not. No point asking Daniel to let go. I'll need to do it for them. Just move his arm a bit and let her hand slide free - Okay okay, okay... sorry buddy, I know, it hurts... sorry. Christ... he's got ahold of her like there's no tomorrow. He always did have trouble letting go of things - like a dog with a bone, our Daniel. Okay so, just reach forward, here... Jesus. He's not even really all here, and he just doesn't want to let go... Come on, Daniel, a little bit of teamwork here... work with me... What the... Oh, My. A quick glance from their joined hands, from the bloody knife and Daniel's still white-knuckled grip to the carcass behind me tells me all I need to know. Talk about teamwork. Way to go, guys.
O'Neill is holding Daniel Jackson very carefully... his many wounds making it difficult to brace him without causing more pain. I use some water from our canteen to wash the blood from the hands joined around the knife. It is a chilling scene... an odd tableau at once victorious and tragic. They worked together to achieve their survival, for which I am most grateful... but at what cost to their spirits? It is quite obvious much more has happened here than the death of the predator. Major Carter seems somewhat dazed, accepting my support and reacting to the pain of her wounds, but decidedly uncommunicative. Daniel Jackson looks as if he is uncertain he is even still alive... I fear he believed he would not... may still not... live. As gently as possible, I wash the drying blood... attempting to ease Daniel Jackson's grip and release that which he holds. He seems unaware of my efforts until the knife drops... His grip tightens further on Major Carter's hand and she winces at the pressure of it. O'Neill frowns deeply and shifts his position, directing me to once again loosen the joined hands.I do so with utmost care, not wishing to cause either of them any further pain. When I have nearly freed Major Carter's hand, O'Neill slips his own beside hers. I understand his intention now and quickly remove hers... watching as Daniel Jackson accepts the substitute... comfort, anchor... of O'Neill. Whatever has happened here has hurt our friends much more than physically. I remove my jacket and lay Major Carter carefully against it. She nods to me... letting me know she is aware of what we are doing. Her eyes move to Daniel Jackson and she whispers, "Okay?" I cannot answer her question, but answer, "We are here now. All will be well." I am not happy with the lie... O'Neill gestures toward the stone and debris which hold our friends so firmly in place. I carefully begin to remove it, using my staff weapon as a fulcrum to shift the larger pieces. I have them free quite quickly and return to Major Carter's side. O'Neill has covered her awkwardly with one of the lightweight blankets and is attempting to raise Daniel Jackson's shirts and jacket to attend the bloody wounds. There is a slash... obviously a claw mark... from his shoulder to his lower back, it appears oddly clean... but is surrounded by a myriad of small puncture wounds. O'Neill raises a hand over the marks, hand subconsciously mimicking the shape of... I look at the creature and back to Major Carter. She nods, confirming thoughts I prefer not to consider... I finger the zatnikatel at my belt, looking to O'Neill in mute request. I receive a tight-lipped nod in return and fire upon the creature which brought so much pain upon my friends... Major Carter sighs deeply in approval as the predator disappears into nothingness. I put away my weapon and return to my work. Major Carter's shoulder is not dislocated, but it is damaged... I bind it snugly to her as Doctor Fraiser has shown me in her 'first aid' instruction. There is a very deep wound in the major's palm, I cleanse it carefully and bind it as well. Using a bit more of the water I clean her face and other hand as gently as possible and am rewarded by a bright smile. "Thanks, Teal'c..." She seems to be having difficulty remaining awake, but shares my fear for Daniel Jackson. As I move to assist O'Neill in the cleansing and bandaging of our friend's many wounds, Major Carter softly relates their experiences with the creature. I feel extreme anger and helplessness at what occurred here and see my own feelings reflected in O'Neill's dark expression. O'Neill's hand tightens in Daniel Jackson's... imparting some silent message. Daniel Jackson still seems lost in some twilight place... his eyes vacant but not totally unaware. It is as if he lacks the energy... or the purpose... to allow himself to return. I finish my task as gently as possible and O'Neill pulls Daniel Jackson closer to him... whispering something we cannot hear. For many long moments there is no response... Then slowly, carefully, Daniel Jackson smiles. "Jack...?" Daniel's voice is raw, but definitely aware. O'Neill smiles in return. "Welcome back, Danny..." Daniel Jackson nods, "Um hm... I stayed, Jack... Said I would..." O'Neill looks confused, but nods. "Glad you did, Daniel... glad you did." Daniel Jackson gives a bare smile and closes his eyes..
"Hey there, Daniel... when we get home, remind me never to drop in on you uninvited." Ah. Is that a smile? So now I know just how bad off he really is. Daniel never shows the slightest appreciation for my brilliant humour, never mind actually cracking a smile. Well, almost never. There was that one time with the comment about the sushi... God. That was one of the times we thought we'd really lost him for good. What? What is he saying? What does he mean, he said he'd stay? Never mind. It doesn't matter. "Glad you did, Daniel... glad you did." Damn right. Daniel? Hey, don't go anywhere on us now... we just got here. You got guests here now; we were in the neighbourhood, just dropped in to check out the lovely decor. Okay, it's okay... he's okay. Just closed his eyes is all, O'Neill. He didn't mean anything by that comment. He's not going anywhere. Ah shit. Another damn right. Neither he or Carter are going anywhere until we get some help from home. Which means that someone is gonna have to go back to the Stargate. A quick glance up through the impromptu skylight – they're all the rage now – tells me that the moon isn't quite as high overhead anymore. Really short day here, but there's still a long way until dawn. But hell, those things attacked Carter and Daniel in the daylight. So it probably doesn't make any difference how much more night there is and when one of us sets out. The sooner, the better. The skimpy bandages we managed to layer over the deepest part of the slice in his back are already almost wet right through... small spots of bright red surrounded by large spreading stains of pinky-yellowy-watery stuff. Shit. Serum. He may not be bleeding so actively now, but he's losing fluid all the same. The end result will be just the... different. The end result of all this will be just, fine. Just fine. Carter isn't looking any better than she was when we first came down here. The injury Teal'c revealed when he cleared away the rubble – the gash to her lower leg; must be what Daniel meant, over the radio, about her being hurt – isn't nearly as bad as Daniel's back, but it's bad enough that no way is she going to be walking anywhere. Daniel is a bit more relaxed. I think it's probably okay to repo my hand now. "Sam!" Ah huh... maybe not. I lean forward to tell him it's okay, but before I can form the words she's jerking herself forward so fast she's jarred her shoulder. She bites back the cry and talks to him, telling him she's right here, that Teal'c and I are right here. That it's over. That's it's gone. She tells him it won't – it can't – hurt anybody anymore and his whole body shudders with one big convulsive tremble that carries through his hand into mine and seems to travel right on up my arm and into my throat. Okaayy... maybe this is, not good. "S-sam... safe now." It's barely a whisper. I've got the words right there on the tip of my tongue, yes Danny, you're safe now, but this time it's his weak voice that pre-empts me. "Promised. Didn't... go." He sounds exhausted. Sam... close..." "I know, Daniel. You did it." What? Carter? Damned if she didn't just interrupt him? "We did it, we made it, and you can make it the rest of the way you can do it Daniel... it's over the hard part is all over..." Her voice is louder and almost urgent. I don't know where she's getting the second wind from, but if she thinks she needs to draw on it, then beyond the obvious bloody trauma there's maybe-definitely something not good going on here? His mouth is moving, he's whispering something else. Teal'c stills Carter's almost frantic voice with a gentle hand on her arm, but the panic stays in her eyes. What is he saying? Whatever it is, he's repeating it. Can't hardly hear him; the words are getting softer and slurring together. Teal'c's eyes meet my own and I know he's thinking just what I'm thinking. Bad Shit happened here. She told us – told us the bulk of the damage to Daniel's back originated topside, and they crashed down into the sinkhole. That's what saved them, up there – moving into this hell-hole of a playhouse. She told us it came, attacked them and Daniel put himself in the middle, but then it got distracted by our battle up above and she managed to get the knife... What happened after that is clear. Crystal clear. But now I'm thinking maybe we got the Reader's Digest version. I can make it out now... just barely. He's trying to tell her... what? Okay, he's a bit out of it. He's in pain, it's blood loss – confusion. Not making any sense. Ah crap. I whisper in his ear, trying to confirm what I think I heard, and get a slight nod. I nod too, because although I wish I didn't, I'm pretty sure I get it now. Oh yeah. Bad Shit. "Sir?" Carter's way of asking me what he said. This one, this comment, doesn't confuse me like the other did. The condensed version just got an enhancement. His shoulders shake slightly with a gentler tremour and I can't help but reach out with my free hand to cup his cheek. But I don't think he can feel it. Nope, can't. He's out now, in a deeply relaxed state and I can finally pull my hand free of his. But now I don't want to. "Sir!" She's scared. He's out cold and she's worried, and she thinks she wants to know what he said. I can't hold back the rough edge in my voice. "He said, he wants you to... close your eyes, Carter."
In the dream I watch the hellcat.. .or rather some grotesque, inflated nightmare version of it... devour Daniel... In the dream Daniel suffers horribly... eaten alive... Finding no haven in unconsciousness, screaming my name until nothing remains of him but the echo of his voice... In the dream I am alone with the memory of death... and the heavy weight of failure... In the dream I close my eyes... ..and Daniel dies... My eyes snap open quickly... Can't wake up fast enough, have to be sure... Yes. Daniel is alive. Sleeping, but so frighteningly still and pale... Alive and breathing shallowly with one hand still wrapped so tightly around the colonel's... The sterno Teal'c set up before he left to go back to the gate for help flickers dimly... almost taking me back to another place and time. Almost, but not quite... The colonel's free hand strokes through Daniel's hair, furrowing through the damp strands with a gentleness born of the deep friendship the two of them share. I saw the colonel's expression when Daniel told him to have me close my eyes... The colonel knows... maybe not all the details... but he knows how awful this night has been, knows it on a level that doesn't really require words... Even with the cat gone, the horror and despair linger in the air... palpable and cloying. The shadows are tense with it. Daniel embodies it... I'm afraid for him. Not just for the physical injuries and the infection evidenced by the small shivers and sweat-soaked forehead, but for the wound to his soul... to the amazing spirit which has held on through so much... Will this be the final straw? The breaking point? It can't be, we can't let it be... The colonel looks up at me, perhaps sensing my thoughts... or simply my eyes on him and Daniel... but doesn't cease his calming gesture. He smiles a little, a smile that says many things... He isn't giving up on Daniel. Won't allow Daniel to give up. Won't let us... his team... fall apart because of this... The colonel's will is a force all its own any time he chooses to exert it. He wants things to happen and they do... sometimes simply on the strength of a look. I've seen it too many times not to believe in it. Where Daniel's concerned... the colonel will *not* accept anything less than all it will take to see his friend through. It can't happen any other way. But the colonel didn't see... Utter hopelessness... resignation... a will pushed beyond limits no one should ever know exist... heart and soul driven to the edge and beyond... teetering ever so carefully on the jagged edge between sanity and madness... Daniel has survived so much, come out of the other end of a myriad of personal hells and become the unique spirit that he is. But I can't help wondering if this time is going to be the last time he manages to rise above, the last time he finds the strength to try... As I watch, Daniel shifts slightly, whimpering low in his throat at the pain in the small movement, hand tightening almost to the white-knuckle stage around the colonel's. The colonel's eyes narrow for moment, his other hand pausing briefly in its gentle ministrations before resuming the slow steady stroking. Daniel settles immediately, sighing deeply and returning to sleep. I shake my head and feel my own heart lift as I watch the magic of wordless communication as it pertains to these two. Reassurance asked and received, comfort given and accepted... No words needed, no questions asked... In my dream Daniel was lost... In reality... I think he's finding his way back...
Feel free to contact the author... Within the context and limitations of the site Disclaimer, Any and All original characters, situations, story line, dialogue and narrative © March 15th, 2000, the author
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